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love

This is why You Should not Look for a Purpose in Your Life

Everyone should find the purpose of his life- this is what we have always been told. Books, elders, teachers, mentors and anyone else we happen to meet, always tell us about importance of having a purpose in your life.

I remember this incidence which took place some four years ago. I happened to interact with a reputed doctor, named Parul Saheba. A talk of her was organized in Pune and before it began, I was hosting her in the guest room. We spoke for some time and she came to know about me and my blog as well. She was quite excited about all these things.

“What is the purpose behind doing so many things you do?” she asked me.

“There is no purpose as such, I just do all these things because I feel like doing them.” I replied.

She was very upset by this answer.

“You are very young now, grow a bit older, get married and then we will talk on this again.” She said and we resumed our discussion.

Today, I have grown up a bit, I am married. I am unfortunately not in touch with Dr. Saheba, but I would have loved to tell her that even today, the activities that I do, are out of no purpose.

mandar purposeDo we really need a purpose in our life? The answer is ‘no’, simply because all purposes are created by our ego. In general, society believes that purposes keep us focused. But if we observe all the human beings around who have done something of value in their lives, they  did it out of love and not out of purpose. So, when I say that we do not need a purpose in our lives, I do not mean to say that we have to live a life that is as per our whims and swings. I am talking against purpose because purpose keeps us away from discovering love, which is the real driver. Love and not the purpose liberates creative energy.

Whatever little good work I have done in my own life, it was never out of purpose, but always out of love. Ego needs something to hang on; it needs something through which it can continue to be. A purpose serves this purpose very well.

I too had many time many purposes in my own life. Though not fully, now I am getting a little understanding about how this all works. Once you have purpose, your mind is limited to the it. Many times, we ourselves are not aware of the hidden purpose behind many of our activities. A purpose brings frustration because ego can never be fulfilled even if we satisfy all of our purposes.

Meditation certainly helps one to see this. It helps to free the mind of all the purposes. When one lives this purposeless life for a while, he starts experiencing the magic and balance which comes out of love. A life lived with love and not purpose is worth living.

Another article on love: Love or Deal?

Categories
Dohe of Kabir

Doha of Kabir on Love: Dhai Akhar Prem Ka

पोथी पढी पढी जग मुवा पंडित भया न कोय

ढाई आखर प्रेम का पढे सो पंडित होय

Translation:

[Entire world is engrossed in reading scriptures but no one has become ‘learned’. The one who understands two and half alphabets of love, attains the wisdom.]

Kabir walked the path of love. This doha of Kabir on love is unique. This doha is probably the most famous of all of his couplets. ‘Dhai Akhar Prem Ka’ is probably the most used phrase which is used to describe the love. Long ago, I used to participate in state and national level debate competitions. Many of these competitions would have at least one topic related to love. It used to be a tough task when almost each of the contestants would repeat this Doha of Kabir in his speech, to describe the love. At that time, I along with many other participants, used to curse Kabir for coming up with this couplet.

Fun apart, when I grew up, studying philosophy, religions, spirituality, at some point I realised that ultimately, everything ends (and hence starts) at love. Love is the point of liberation, love is the boundary line, between human and divine. After this realization, I completely changed my way and this Doha of Kabir, which describes love in all its grandeur, has helped me a lot. It will be very interesting as well as enlightening to explore this wonderful piece in more depth.

[Entire world is engrossed in reading scriptures but no one has become ‘learned’. The one who understands two and half alphabets of love, attains the wisdom.]

Sant Kabir makes some things clearly visible in this doha on love. The first bold point which he makes is about the futility of reading scriptures. This was a very bold statement if one considers the time frame in which Kabir existed. Kabir was a sober saint, who unlike Osho, avoided controversy. But still, Kabir finds it necessary to tell masses that scriptures have lost their edge; that they have lost the magic, the power to transform the lives. It is important to understand that in Kabir’s era, people were engrossed in not only reading scriptures but also in debating and arguing with scholars. People were taking everything intellectually, without catching the flavour. As we are aware, we can write and talk a lot about love. But, unless you actually experience the love, there is no way of knowing it. Imagine Kabir, the one who had tasted this eternal nectar of love, surrounded by scholars (Pundits) endlessly arguing and debating about love. The first line is for all those scholars- who reduce everything to mere intellectual level. Kabir rightly says,

‘The entire world is reading scriptures but no one has become ‘learned’’

Kabir somewhere wants to point out that this direction is itself wrong; the practice of reading scriptures is itself wrong. It’s like finding gold in vegetable market. It is a fundamental mistake.

What is the correct way to understand love?

The next line of this doha of Kabir on love tells the correct direction in which one can find love. Kabir says, the one, who understands two and half alphabets of love, attains the wisdom. In his native language, love is called ‘Prem’ which is a two alphabet word. In spite of this, Kabir says the one who understands two and half alphabets of love, attains wisdom. What is this half alphabet to which Kabir is referring? This puzzle has been a topic of discussion among scholars for years!

Read: Kabir Doha on Importance of Master (Guru)

Now this is utterly ridiculous. In the first line of this Doha, Kabir clearly indicates that love is not for scholars, engaged in debate and arguments. But sadly, for centuries, the scholars are fighting with each other about the interpretation of this Doha, about the meaning of this half alphabet which Kabir has mentioned. As wise seekers can make out, these scholars have still not got the point which Kabir wants us to understand. Through this Dha on love, Kabir simply wants us to understand that love is something beyond words. The literal word love consists of two alphabets; but actual love is something beyond. What is the half alphabet which is invisible? That half alphabet is just an indicator, a pointer telling us to not to stick to words only. That half alphabet is something which one has to discover by living life and not by reading scriptures. Scriptures can only teach you the two alphabets of love. If you stick to scriptures, you will never discover the remaining half alphabet, which has the real essence of love.

Read: Kabir Doha on Truth 

Discovering that half alphabet is the real stuff. Learning scriptures and definitions of love is easy. To understand these definitions verbally and intellectually is also easy. To discover the essence of love through one’s life is difficult. This discovery is the journey on which the seeker is transformed. This Doha of Kabir on love is unique- it clearly tells the limitations of knowledge. It tells the importance of actually walking on the path.

VISIT OUR KABIR SECTION TO READ MORE DOHE OF KABIR

 

 

Categories
Key to healthy relationships Uncategorized

Your Screwed Relationships and WhatsApp

One of the most important benefits of internet is the fact that it has helped us to stay connected with the close ones.

WhatsApp
WhatsApp

Some years ago, text messages were much in demand and I remember many of our friends frequently changing their mobile service providers as cheaper and cheaper message packs were launched. I guess at least young readers of this article have witnessed this. As they say, exchange of information became quite easy and faster after this rise of mobile world. Making and breaking relationships became easier, especially after the wide spread use of WhatsApp.  And as a result, people became faster at making and breaking relationships.

The Life-cycle of a Relationship

Can you blame WhatsApp for your broken relationship?

To answer this question in its totality, we should actually consider the life cycle of a relationship.

1. Liking a person

Of course, the first way towards a relationship is that you start liking the person. You see him or her around, and you get touched, melted, affected by something- it might be the knowledge of that person, the way he/she walks, smiles, looks or whatever the lover is attracted to.

After you realize that you like someone, you move to the next stage, which is knowing more about the person

2. Knowing more about him/her

Once you find out the one you like, you would try to know more and more about that person. You will take the same elective subject that person takes or you will join the same sports group in the college which that person has joined. Then you will start communicating with the person – in order to to know more and more about him/her. In today’s age, you will use WhatsApp to its fullest.

In olden days, letters were used to know more about the lover as it was quite difficult to meet the person in public. As technology has improved and society has evolved, knowing more has become much faster and easier.

3. The Boredom

Every relationship enters the state of boredom  eventually. The closer you are, the faster it comes. I would say this is the toughest phase of any relationship. 98% of the relationships fail at this stage. It happens when you know too much about the person as you are very close to him. You start to realize the person in his/her totality- along with the good part, comes the bad part. This is the stage where you have to understand each other and give the other person his or her space.

The dialogues become irritating more often in this phase. You start taking each other for granted. How you deal this boredom decides the entire future of the relationship.

4. Death or Re-birth

If both of you with stand the boredom, the relationship gets reborn. If you fail to do so, it breaks. When you accept a lover, you have to accept him or her along with the negative qualities. Relationship is not a tailor made suit in which you two can fit; it is a patch-worked robe which you two together have to stitch so that both of you can comfortably fit inside. If this does not happen, the relationship dies.

WhatsApp and our relationships

 

I guess, in the era of love letters, it used to take at-least a few months to get some idea about the person we loved; thanks to the slow media.  As you can see, in the older days, the second and third stage used to take a long time. Knowing each others sometimes used to take years and years due to the slow media. So, in olden days, a couple usually needed at-least 2-3 three years before coming to the stage of boredom. Due to such a big time investment, opportunity cost of making such relationships was very high. So, soon after one relationship or even from the friends’ experiences, people used to learn to keep away from love-affairs.

Because of rise of text messages and now WhatsApp, this time has come down to a few months or even a few weeks and hence, the opportunity cost of falling in love has gone down. This simply means, because of WhatsApp and other devices, you can reach the state of boredom (or re-birth if you are lucky) faster. And yes, if you are done with one relationship in as short a time as 2-3 months you are then free to try out a new relationship.

WhatsApp has been charged with the offence of ruining our privacy. Many of us blame that they display last seen timing. I even saw some of my friends commenting that many relationships are spoiled because WhatsApp shows last seen. Net is flooded with people cryong that the blue tick will further destroy the relations.

My honest opinion is, no one, not even WhatsApp can destroy your relationship if you trust each other and are accommodating enough. If you mean to spy against your lover, your relationship rather needs a break.

So, when someones asks me about WhatsApp ruining their relationships, I have a very blunt answer to share- WhatsApp just gives you an opportunity to spy and it does that faster. If you do not trust your lover and spy on him or her, your relationship is bound to break; in three years if not in three weeks.

 

Categories
Key to healthy relationships

Freedom : Key to healthy relationships (2)

The first article in this series, key to healthy relationships talks about trust. It is very difficult to trust someone and at the same time to do justice to trust kept on oneself by somebody else. Trusting someone is really difficult but giving someone freedom is even more difficult. The irony is, everyone wants his own freedom but very few are courageous enough to give others freedom they need.

Healthy relationships- How does freedom matter?

Many philosophers have many time said that if you love someone, freedom is the best gift which you can give him or her. As my opinion goes, we are no one to ‘give’ someone freedom. Everyone is entitled to it. So, first thing to understand is, if you are allowing someone to enjoy his or her freedom, you are actually doing nothing great but just your job.

In a relationship, persons come together; but still, they are different individuals. Though two persons in a relationship are together and they love each other, they still are two different and unique human beings- each one of them having his or her own desires and way of life. Hence, giving other person his space and is very important.

I have seen relationships of a few of my friends getting spoilt because of not giving their partners the freedom.  The term freedom applies at all levels. Many of us do a great job when it comes to freedom at larger levels- like allowing someone to pursue a career he or she likes but freedom to do small things as per one’s will is also equally important.

Is it too difficult to allow someone to enjoy his freedom? The answer is both yes and no. If you trust someone, giving him or her freedom is much easier. Hence, trust still remains the foremost parameter (I don’t think trust has anything to do with fidelity).  Many times, in order to let others enjoy their freedom, you need to be independent. It is equally important that you do not have any kind of insecurity. Dependent and insecure people find it very difficult to give other their freedom.

Another thing worth considering is, when yo love someone, you are not owner of that person. Many lovers around feel that they have ‘bought’ the person they love. Love has nothing to do with authority and commanding. True love always gives other the space and freedom.

Your lover should have freedom to say no to you. It is very difficult to accept a ‘no’ from the person you love. It also hurts the ego. As a result, many persons take away this basic right of saying no. If you really lover someone, you should be first to tell him or her that you have complete freedom tell me a ‘no’ and follow your own decision

Have you ever given it a thought? Would you enjoy a relationship which does not assure you freedom? I guess, now you realize the importance of freedom..

 

Categories
Key to healthy relationships love mysticism

Find your focus

A long night of thoughtfulness gives me many answers. I love night because it answers my questions. Not all, but even a few questions being answered is enough for me. I don’t want all of the rains, a few soothing drops satisfy me.

For whom I live this life? This was the long question which was being answered by the night. If a constant enquiry is made, answers come from void. Void does not exist somewhere else, but, you are so united with the enquiry, that inside you, you get a void. So, this was the question. Does life need focus? If yes, who should be the focus? Is this focus inside or is it outside?

Night answered all of these. It gave me many strange answers. No, life does not have a focus but, but, to reach this point, we need some focus point. Now, where this focus point lies? Inside me or outside me?

I would say, grossly, there two kinds of spiritually inclined people. One kind is those who love themselves and like to live for themselves. The other is those who like to live for someone they love.  The wonder is, everything moves on love.

The person on his spiritual journey has to decide what his attitude is. And then whatever tendencies of him come against this attitude, he should work on them. For example, if I love myself, then to fulfill my needs, I should be able to fight with even god. If I like to live for my loved one, I should be able to leave away all the heavens and pleasures on earth.

I have found my focus. Have you?

Categories
Not for single reason

Love or Deal?

Some days ago, we had a nice discussion about love and relationship. The most fantastic thing is that, both girls and boys were present in the discussion. The topic was of course about a girl saying yes or no to a guy’s proposal.

A girl raised very significant point, that the girl at very first thinks about her safety and a secured future. The she decides- to love or no to love. Security is the very first criteria. This statement, though very matured, raises many questions. The most significant among these is, if a boy guarantees a secured future at this moment but if by any chance he is not able to do so after marriage then what? For example, I have a nice job at this moment. After three years when I am married, I meet an accident the the job goes. Then will this so called lover will be happy with me? In life, nothing is ever secure, everything is just momentary. So, will the girl support the so called incapable husband or will run way?

I accept that girl needs security. But then I have a very humble request. Please don’t disgrace the word love. When you are thinking before falling in a relation, it means you are running away from love and falling in a deal. People select very thoughtfully the people they should love considering all the plus and minus points. Then they call it true love. You have every right to select or choose your partner with all the conditions you have. But then, please don’t tell me, that you are in true love. You are just in a deal. It may be nice, but it is a deal, not love.