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Key to healthy relationships Uncategorized

Your Screwed Relationships and WhatsApp

One of the most important benefits of internet is the fact that it has helped us to stay connected with the close ones.

WhatsApp
WhatsApp

Some years ago, text messages were much in demand and I remember many of our friends frequently changing their mobile service providers as cheaper and cheaper message packs were launched. I guess at least young readers of this article have witnessed this. As they say, exchange of information became quite easy and faster after this rise of mobile world. Making and breaking relationships became easier, especially after the wide spread use of WhatsApp.  And as a result, people became faster at making and breaking relationships.

The Life-cycle of a Relationship

Can you blame WhatsApp for your broken relationship?

To answer this question in its totality, we should actually consider the life cycle of a relationship.

1. Liking a person

Of course, the first way towards a relationship is that you start liking the person. You see him or her around, and you get touched, melted, affected by something- it might be the knowledge of that person, the way he/she walks, smiles, looks or whatever the lover is attracted to.

After you realize that you like someone, you move to the next stage, which is knowing more about the person

2. Knowing more about him/her

Once you find out the one you like, you would try to know more and more about that person. You will take the same elective subject that person takes or you will join the same sports group in the college which that person has joined. Then you will start communicating with the person – in order to to know more and more about him/her. In today’s age, you will use WhatsApp to its fullest.

In olden days, letters were used to know more about the lover as it was quite difficult to meet the person in public. As technology has improved and society has evolved, knowing more has become much faster and easier.

3. The Boredom

Every relationship enters the state of boredom  eventually. The closer you are, the faster it comes. I would say this is the toughest phase of any relationship. 98% of the relationships fail at this stage. It happens when you know too much about the person as you are very close to him. You start to realize the person in his/her totality- along with the good part, comes the bad part. This is the stage where you have to understand each other and give the other person his or her space.

The dialogues become irritating more often in this phase. You start taking each other for granted. How you deal this boredom decides the entire future of the relationship.

4. Death or Re-birth

If both of you with stand the boredom, the relationship gets reborn. If you fail to do so, it breaks. When you accept a lover, you have to accept him or her along with the negative qualities. Relationship is not a tailor made suit in which you two can fit; it is a patch-worked robe which you two together have to stitch so that both of you can comfortably fit inside. If this does not happen, the relationship dies.

WhatsApp and our relationships

 

I guess, in the era of love letters, it used to take at-least a few months to get some idea about the person we loved; thanks to the slow media.  As you can see, in the older days, the second and third stage used to take a long time. Knowing each others sometimes used to take years and years due to the slow media. So, in olden days, a couple usually needed at-least 2-3 three years before coming to the stage of boredom. Due to such a big time investment, opportunity cost of making such relationships was very high. So, soon after one relationship or even from the friends’ experiences, people used to learn to keep away from love-affairs.

Because of rise of text messages and now WhatsApp, this time has come down to a few months or even a few weeks and hence, the opportunity cost of falling in love has gone down. This simply means, because of WhatsApp and other devices, you can reach the state of boredom (or re-birth if you are lucky) faster. And yes, if you are done with one relationship in as short a time as 2-3 months you are then free to try out a new relationship.

WhatsApp has been charged with the offence of ruining our privacy. Many of us blame that they display last seen timing. I even saw some of my friends commenting that many relationships are spoiled because WhatsApp shows last seen. Net is flooded with people cryong that the blue tick will further destroy the relations.

My honest opinion is, no one, not even WhatsApp can destroy your relationship if you trust each other and are accommodating enough. If you mean to spy against your lover, your relationship rather needs a break.

So, when someones asks me about WhatsApp ruining their relationships, I have a very blunt answer to share- WhatsApp just gives you an opportunity to spy and it does that faster. If you do not trust your lover and spy on him or her, your relationship is bound to break; in three years if not in three weeks.

 

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Key to healthy relationships

Freedom : Key to healthy relationships (2)

The first article in this series, key to healthy relationships talks about trust. It is very difficult to trust someone and at the same time to do justice to trust kept on oneself by somebody else. Trusting someone is really difficult but giving someone freedom is even more difficult. The irony is, everyone wants his own freedom but very few are courageous enough to give others freedom they need.

Healthy relationships- How does freedom matter?

Many philosophers have many time said that if you love someone, freedom is the best gift which you can give him or her. As my opinion goes, we are no one to ‘give’ someone freedom. Everyone is entitled to it. So, first thing to understand is, if you are allowing someone to enjoy his or her freedom, you are actually doing nothing great but just your job.

In a relationship, persons come together; but still, they are different individuals. Though two persons in a relationship are together and they love each other, they still are two different and unique human beings- each one of them having his or her own desires and way of life. Hence, giving other person his space and is very important.

I have seen relationships of a few of my friends getting spoilt because of not giving their partners the freedom.  The term freedom applies at all levels. Many of us do a great job when it comes to freedom at larger levels- like allowing someone to pursue a career he or she likes but freedom to do small things as per one’s will is also equally important.

Is it too difficult to allow someone to enjoy his freedom? The answer is both yes and no. If you trust someone, giving him or her freedom is much easier. Hence, trust still remains the foremost parameter (I don’t think trust has anything to do with fidelity).  Many times, in order to let others enjoy their freedom, you need to be independent. It is equally important that you do not have any kind of insecurity. Dependent and insecure people find it very difficult to give other their freedom.

Another thing worth considering is, when yo love someone, you are not owner of that person. Many lovers around feel that they have ‘bought’ the person they love. Love has nothing to do with authority and commanding. True love always gives other the space and freedom.

Your lover should have freedom to say no to you. It is very difficult to accept a ‘no’ from the person you love. It also hurts the ego. As a result, many persons take away this basic right of saying no. If you really lover someone, you should be first to tell him or her that you have complete freedom tell me a ‘no’ and follow your own decision

Have you ever given it a thought? Would you enjoy a relationship which does not assure you freedom? I guess, now you realize the importance of freedom..

 

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Key to healthy relationships love mysticism

Find your focus

A long night of thoughtfulness gives me many answers. I love night because it answers my questions. Not all, but even a few questions being answered is enough for me. I don’t want all of the rains, a few soothing drops satisfy me.

For whom I live this life? This was the long question which was being answered by the night. If a constant enquiry is made, answers come from void. Void does not exist somewhere else, but, you are so united with the enquiry, that inside you, you get a void. So, this was the question. Does life need focus? If yes, who should be the focus? Is this focus inside or is it outside?

Night answered all of these. It gave me many strange answers. No, life does not have a focus but, but, to reach this point, we need some focus point. Now, where this focus point lies? Inside me or outside me?

I would say, grossly, there two kinds of spiritually inclined people. One kind is those who love themselves and like to live for themselves. The other is those who like to live for someone they love.  The wonder is, everything moves on love.

The person on his spiritual journey has to decide what his attitude is. And then whatever tendencies of him come against this attitude, he should work on them. For example, if I love myself, then to fulfill my needs, I should be able to fight with even god. If I like to live for my loved one, I should be able to leave away all the heavens and pleasures on earth.

I have found my focus. Have you?

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Key to healthy relationships

Key to healthy relationships-Trust the trust

These days, deteriorated relations trouble me a lot. It does not mean that all of my relationships are on the verge of deterioration. But, what I see around, pains me. What I see around, is a completely darkened world of relationships. There are people who find happiness in their relationships. But, for the most of the times, relationships bring sorrow.

One point to note is that, everyone is wondering why his relations are being spoiled. Everyone wants a happy relationship. People are ready to compromise a lot to get such happy and sustained relationship. Apart from all, most of the people are far away from such type of relations.

Many a times, people ask, why is it so. They are not in a position to find out what is going wrong. In spite of all the compromises, mutual understanding, relationship is prone to break up. No one is happy in above stated deteriorated relationship. Every one wants a joyous relationship. Then why, almost all of us are aware from such type relationship?

Here, we will be having a look at the basic blocks for healthy relationship. The first block is, trust. Trust has power to build up greatest and closest relations  in the world. At the same time, lack of trust can break closest relations ever. If we see around today, what we find is, all our relationships lack trust. Trust is missing. Trust is the thread which joins all the pearls in the garland of relationship. If trust is missing, relationship reduces to phony closeness. Such closeness can give depression, frustration and nothing else.

First step to healthy relationship is trust. It is very difficult to keep your trust in someone. Human nature is full of doubts. To keep absolute trust is very difficult; as if you are asking a monkey to meditate. But, there is no alternate way. The way of good relationship always begins at the doorsteps of trust. Almost all the relationship problems which we face today, arise out of doubt. Trust kills all the doubts.

If you really want to have a good relationship, learn to trust someone. Learn to trust absolutely. Trust is like alum. Alum settles down all the mud in water. Trust also settles down all the unnecessary doubts, quarrels. To trust someone is an art. You will have to transform yourself if you have to trust someone. One point to note is that, all the keys to healthy relationships are nothing but ways to transform yourself. It is not other but you who needs to change.