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Not for single reason

Love or Deal?

Some days ago, we had a nice discussion about love and relationship. The most fantastic thing is that, both girls and boys were present in the discussion. The topic was of course about a girl saying yes or no to a guy’s proposal.

A girl raised very significant point, that the girl at very first thinks about her safety and a secured future. The she decides- to love or no to love. Security is the very first criteria. This statement, though very matured, raises many questions. The most significant among these is, if a boy guarantees a secured future at this moment but if by any chance he is not able to do so after marriage then what? For example, I have a nice job at this moment. After three years when I am married, I meet an accident the the job goes. Then will this so called lover will be happy with me? In life, nothing is ever secure, everything is just momentary. So, will the girl support the so called incapable husband or will run way?

I accept that girl needs security. But then I have a very humble request. Please don’t disgrace the word love. When you are thinking before falling in a relation, it means you are running away from love and falling in a deal. People select very thoughtfully the people they should love considering all the plus and minus points. Then they call it true love. You have every right to select or choose your partner with all the conditions you have. But then, please don’t tell me, that you are in true love. You are just in a deal. It may be nice, but it is a deal, not love.

By Mandar Karanjkar

Mandar Karanjkar is author, motivational speaker and consultant based in Pune. Mandar works with handful of organizations helping them with strategy, communication and culture. Mandar is trained in Indian Classical Music over a decade. He is a classical singer and flute player.

Mandar has written columns for many reputed newspapers. Engineer by profession, he conducts workshops and delivers talks on subjects as wide as strategy, innovation, online marketing, spirituality, Kabir, Zen etc.

Mandar is a published author.

15 replies on “Love or Deal?”

Hey Mandar,
Person has tobe really selfless to be in true love. Yes Love is remained always a deal. because every1 thinks tha by falling in love or by making a decision of spending life with a respective person they are sacrificing.. Then why they call it Love? I feel when a girl or a boy expects security or ny kinda support. Then either they are weak and cant take care of them salves or they are used of being dependent. It can be applicable to both. I feel, Care comes with the feeling of love. No one can see his/her Loved 1 in pain no matter wht it is because of. These things arent tobe said or expected..You always tend to take care of your beloved one Like your baby… But As I said Person has tobe really selfless for to Love.. 🙂

I don’t quite agree… Some feelings are not impulsive like some necessities are not instinctive. You grow together to love each other. Time spent is the most important factor. Even those who are forced to live together for years may feel special emotional bonding.
Other way of looking at it may be – you dont want to loose your hold on your past. And you have spent years with other person.
Or else, you come to know someone so much that there comes the concept of non-dualism.
These are simply examples of what don’t fall into your case and therefore, I refuse to accept your thought at the face-value.

What developes when two persons live together is a harmony or a synchronization. It is not love.There is a very fine line between love and harmony. And yes, true love is always free any commitment. It is momentary. It is not a process so that it will happen when you work on it. Yes, sometines it may develop with time. But again, you can not do it intentionally. You can not develop it thoughtfully. It happpens. Thats my point.

Probably you need to revisit all definitions of love. I have few questions. Can a love be only for another person? Or it can be felt about non-living thing as well? What about god? Can we love god? Can we love sheer knowledge? Do we love the ‘experience’ may it be some activity, instinctive, impulsive or thoughtful? Do we love ourselves? You are trying to put in words what love is not… but I don’t see you being very precise over what it is… If you come with a definition, we can discuss this further…
(Just one request, if you want to discuss philosophically, then think mathematically because philosophy is not mysticism )

And yes, if you want a definition of love, i think what is described in Ashtavakra Mahageeta fits best. Nirvasano, Niradhar Niravlambaha………..And if we accept this definition, what I am saying about love perfectly fits in it….

Aah, I don’t fall into that common mass who speak Nirvasana word regularly. Additionally, I did not understand the meaning of these three words collectively trying to explain the concept of love. Thirdly, as it is evident now that I dont know this phrase, I cant extrapolate its meaning you are trying to refer by dot dot dot… I would really appreciate you giving complete sentences, full meaning in understandable language to a layman and avoid unnecessarily difficult references so that we can both remain on the same ground in order to continue further (if you are interested so)
Thank you

The first thing, meaning of these words cannot be written. These are not GRE words. One has to experience them. These are the words of famous saint Ashtavakra. If I go on explaining, It will take pages to describe the meaning of each word. The reference is not difficult. Nirvasano, Niradhar and Niravlamba. nir means absence. I hope you know what is meant by vasna, adhar and avlamban. The meaning is not as shallow as it appears but yes, you will have to meditate on them for hours. This is not so cheap as Barrons vocab. I have meditated and I am sorry that I cannot meditate for you. that you will have to do for yourself…..
Thank You

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